13 Years 💔💙👼🏼 I have cried more tears than I knew the human body could produce. I have sat silently in a darkened room numbed with sadness counting the minutes until the morning light. I have yelled in anger at the top of my lungs in hope that someone could hear me & perhaps fix it. A deep exhale has been performed countless times over the last few days since the reminder to breathe is still necessary reliving the days, hours, the pain & the tears of Josh’s death & all that followed. I loved him for all of his life & I will miss him for the rest of mine. These 13 years have also been filled with smiles, not just the fake ones I have flashed to get people to leave me alone, or the perfected ones so others would stop wondering about my state of my mental health. I have shared genuine smiles too. watching Matty grow up, meeting Sam & going on to have 2 more children Darcy & Harry. In all honestly, they have saved me from the depths of despair. They have given me a purpose & a reason to carry on & I know that I am extremely lucky to have that, but it took me a long, long time to realise it. Happiness & grief coexist in my heart. I will always miss Josh, that will never change, but I am content & at peace with where I am on this journey. I am doing it my way, the only way I know how. There is no book that tells you how to live after the death of your child, there is no right or wrong way to do this, I just take it day by day. I am extremely grateful to everyone who helped me raised money in his memory for Meningitis Now