13 Years 💔💙👼🏼 I have cried more tears than I knew the human body could produce. I have sat silently in a darkened room numbed with sadness counting the minutes until the morning light. I have yelled in anger at the top of my lungs in hope that someone could hear me & perhaps fix it. A deep exhale has been performed countless times over the last few days since the reminder to breathe is still necessary reliving the days, hours, the pain & the tears of Josh’s death & all that followed. I loved him for all of his life & I will miss him for the rest of mine. These 13 years have also been filled with smiles, not just the fake ones I have flashed to get people to leave me alone, or the perfected ones so others would stop wondering about my state of my mental health. I have shared genuine smiles too. watching Matty grow up, meeting Sam & going on to have 2 more children Darcy & Harry. In all honestly, they have saved me from the depths of despair. They have given me a purpose & a reason to carry on & I know that I am extremely lucky to have that, but it took me a long, long time to realise it. Happiness & grief coexist in my heart. I will always miss Josh, that will never change, but I am content & at peace with where I am on this journey. I am doing it my way, the only way I know how. There is no book that tells you how to live after the death of your child, there is no right or wrong way to do this, I just take it day by day. I am extremely grateful to everyone who helped me raised money in his memory for Meningitis Now

Matthew's Big Brother Matthew's Big Brother isn't like all the rest; His memories are kept in a big treasure chest See Joshua is an angel in heaven above; And surrounds his baby Brother with bundles of love He is smiling down, keeping him out of harms way; And will be there beside him in every day So when Matthew looks up at the stars at night; He'll know his big brother's making them shine so bright You can be sure his life will be full of laughter and joy; For he's being looked after by a Special Angel Boy. Congratulations on becoming a big brother Joshy xx

Thank you for making the sun shine for us yesterday Joshy... There was lots of people running for you because everyone misses you so much. Keep smiling down on Mummy and Daddy, and let us know you are there. Love you xx